Going my way?

Meine gearschlocken ist kapputt

Everything in 1971 had a brown tinge to it – even beige things.  Mercedes made big cars for big men…that were driven by skinny submissive girls.  You’re chauffer, Heidi, could use the auto telefonen to book you and Helmut a table at your favourite lederhosen club…

The Groovy Office

Carry On Up The Corridor

The 1970s office was swinging.  You were the man if you had a chocolate brown suit and mutton chops.  That girl on the right is called a ‘secretary’.  An executive needed a secretary back in the seventies because someone had to be there to light his cigarettes, make the tea and laugh politely at his innuendo.  In the 1970s secretaries would use a typewriter – if they weren’t taking shorthand or dictation (how they laughed!).

A bit of Wookie

Back in the 1970s it seems that a naughty Wookie could lay his furry paws on a Princess’ dowry without fear of recrimination…

Fashion clangers

Three Men and a Mannequin

Male fashion catalogue models aren’t what they used to be!  Is that a mannequin on the left?  He looks a little stilted in his delivery. 

The only professional amongst the four of them seems to be the guy with the crease ironed into his jeans giving us a bit of ‘blue steel’…..he’s pitching that ensemble like he means it.

If you want to look like a freshly upholstered sofa – then go no further than h.i.s for all your fashion accessories.

Hot and steamy

Oh…..rice.   When you said you had a surprise for me, something I really wanted, but wasn’t expecting, I sort of assumed that it was going to be something…well…a little more exotic – something personal.  If you know what I mean.  No, no.  Rice is great.  I love rice.  Rice…..really.  Yes, it was very unexpected…

  

Fancy a fur-like shag pile?

Mink, Lynx or Jaguar?

The static electricity generated from your polyester pants, rubbing up against a fur-like mock animal print rug, will discharge enough sparks to perm her hair.  The Love Rug will make you tingle all over, as it softly caresses a weeping carpet burn onto your knees.  It is available in Mink, Links or ‘Hey look at me baby….I’m a Jaguar’

You want to what?!

Please…may I sniff your Klompen Kloggen?  What?  Here, right in front of everyone?  I’ve got my Klompen Kloggen pouched at the moment, but I’ll take it out and roll it between my fingers, before I firmly massage it into that small bowl of yours.  The shank will need to be necked before you bring it to your lips and inhale deeply, because the stem is still a little moist.  Who would have thought that pipe smoking was so complex?   

She wants my Klompen Kloggen

The shower hood

Oh no!  You’ve applied your make-up before you showered.  This would have been disastrous before the invention of the ‘shower hood’ in 1970.  Is this really a shower accessory or a birth control device?  I fear that it was always going to take more than a naked woman to sell this one…

Crazy, naked gimp with a fetish for transparent, plastic balaclavas…

Defenders of the universe

Lycra is the fabric of space

I’m not too sure how this one actually got the thumbs up?  Buck Rogers in the 25^th Century used the old props and costumes form the original Battlestar Galactica series and featured a small robot called Twiki, who looked suspiciously like an over-sized metal dildo.

Gil Gerard (William ‘Buck’ Rogers) squeezed his ample thighs into a pair of spandex to defend Earth from evil invasion for 2 seasons between 1979 and 1981.  However, it was Erin Grey (Colonel Wilma Deering) who promoted tight Lycra as the fabric of the space time continuum.

Wonder Woman

Seventies Circuit Breaker

The stars aligned in the summer of 1979 and the end of the decade was punctuated by the appearance of a woman who changed my perspective on life.  It was the year that I first set eyes on Lynda Carter and her alter-ego Wonder Woman.  Her trademark pirouette and wide-stance metallic wrist clasp would create more sparks than those that appeared on TV.  She would short-circuit my mains every time I saw her swing her lasso.